Friday, 4 September 2009

A night to remember...

It’s 7:37 in the morning, and I haven’t slept a wink. Why? Because I took five caffeine pills last night and I have been up all night on the computer and then buzzing in my bed. I also decided to steal my little sister from her bed and snuggle with her in mine. We ended up going for a midnight (well, three o’clock in the morning) feast, consisting of biscuits and milk! What fun.

Last night, me, Louisa and Matt went out. Matt wasn’t drinking because he was driving. I was drinking, but I can handle my drink. Louisa, however, was totally and utterly 100% fucked! Let me paint you a picture of how incredibly wasted she was:

So, Matt came to pick me up from my house, and she had already started drinking her alcopops. How classy…! Then we went to give Keya, our wonderful, very camp, gay friend, his baccy. We sat in Matt’s car talking to him and Lou carried on drinking. Then we went to park Matt’s car in an area that wasn’t surrounded by houses, because even sober, Lou is so, so loud! Her laugh is around about the same decibels as a plane, and it’s a cackle/shriek, with the occasional snort. So, we sat in the car for a bit, me and Matt happily listening to the radio. Me sipping on my beer, and Lou drinking her WKD. Then she got in a strop about something, got out of the car, walked off, with her bottle, and went out of sight. I said to Matt ‘I give it… Five minutes before she comes back. Or when she’s run out of alcohol.’ Although, about quarter of an hour later, she still hadn’t returned, so we though that maybe we should look for her. I suppose that’s what a good best friend and a boyfriend are meant to do…? We walked down the road she went along, and up to the junction, but couldn’t see her. We waited and looked, but still no sign. So, we went back to the car, and Matt was just about to start up the engine, to look for her, when low and behold, she comes out from behind the trees, with, as predicted, no bottle in her hand. Giggling like a schoolgirl, she tells us that she made friends with the tree she was hiding behind. Yes, that’s right; she was talking to inanimate objects! (She also named it Edwood. Geddit?) At this point we’re all out of the car, and standing by the children’s play park, which Louisa decides she wants to go into! She attempts climbing over the fence several times, with me and Matt holding her back, which resulted in a tantrum… Let’s remind ourselves that she is 17, and she got stroppy about not being allowed in a play area. After quickly getting over the fact she wasn’t allowed in, she thought it would be a good idea to say ‘Hey! Let’s all get in our underwear!’ so, following her own instructions, she does. She strips down to her bra, knickers and socks, in the cold, spitting night. Luckily, there are no cars, or people out at this point. It was like one o’clock in the morning. Because Lou decides that in her underwear, and my jacket which I kindly lent her, as she was shivering, she looks like a prostitute, so, as a good prostitute would do, she goes and stands on the street corner… Me and Matt stand in the same spot we were, discussing music, giving Lou the benefit of the doubt that she would return to us, without either getting arrested, or picked up by someone. Next thing we know, she’s by a lamppost… Not entirely sure what she’s doing, Matt and I go over to investigate. We can hear her talking to it. She’s is actually having a conversation with a lamppost. Apparently, Michael (that was his name) was unhappy about having a label on him, so, Louisa being the nice person she is, was peeling it off for him, whilst asking him not to shout at her for being slow, because her nails hurt from peeling off the sticker. Of course, Matt and I couldn’t hear the lamppost talking because we didn’t speak ‘Whisper’. Then me and Matt started taking the piss. Matt started talking to a plant, and I started talking to a bush and named it George, like George Bush, which all but Lou and Michael found hilarious! Neither of them appreciates the fact that we were taking the piss out of her. Then Louisa finds a snail, and calls it Samuel, who she then later threw across the road, and then got upset that she did, but couldn’t find him in the grass after. So, she carries on talking to Michael, yes, the lamppost, all while the rain is getting harder. What are me and Matt doing at this point? Watching her, videoing it, and talking about and listening to music. In a vain attempt to coax Louisa out of this child-like, imaginary world, she runs off to help Michael’s friends… Weird, I know. It’s raining pretty hard now, and I’ve given Lou my jacket, so me and Matt decide it’s probably best to go back to his car. Unfortunately, Louisa is not so keen, so Matt had to carry her, with her complaining all the way, and shouting sorry to Michael for not being able to remove the entire label. Finally, we get her into the car, still just in her underwear and my jacket, which has snail juice on. Then suddenly, she opens the door and flails out of the car, running away. I run after her, and she protests that she only needs a wee, and then, whilst urinating, by a tree, she proceeds to inform me that her piss is warm on her feet. Mmm, how wonderful. We get her back into the car, take her back to my house where she is sleeping, and she clambers into bed, after basically molesting my kitten, who didn’t take too kindly to that, and falls pretty much straight asleep.

And that’s basically it, and now here I am, still awake after, quite literally, no sleep, watching the sun slowly rise, listening to Regina Spektor.

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