Tuesday, 29 September 2009

A diverse week, to say the least.

So, I’m currently sat on the train on the way to college, and considering it’s a 40 minute journey, I figured what better to do than blog. Which is exactly what I’m going to do.
For the whole of last week, I was living with Keya, my very camp gay friend, and it was amazing. His sister was on holiday from Monday until Friday, so we stole her house, and we were literally living independently for the week.
On Tuesday, after I slept round on the Monday, we both had to get up at 7am, to then be ready for first period at college. Unfortunately, we’d stayed up rather late the previous night, and were very, very tired. I had no trouble whatsoever getting up, Keya, on the other hand, was a complete nightmare! I woke him up at seven, reminding him of college, but he rolled back over. I had my breakfast, tried to wake him up again. Once more, he was having none of it. I tried again, he shouted at me. It got to 7:30 and I figured that he really, really needed to be up. So, I pulled the duvet off him, and threatened him with the cup of cold water I had in my hand. He got so shitty! Alas, I never did wake him up that morning. He told me he’d get to college for second period instead. He never did.
After I finished college for the day, I really felt compelled to get him a present, just like a good husband would, I guess… So, on my way back, I popped to the local shop and bought him bacon, as he loves it, and we forgot to buy it when we went food shopping on Monday night. When I got in, he had cleaned the whole house and done the washing up. It was literally like we were a couple living together!
The days went by and we had a great time. We had visitors, we also spent time alone. We just had a good time. Then we decided to host a gathering Wednesday night, as Lou, Matt, Tom and I had the Thursday off and Keya didn’t have to go in until later. David, however, had to be in college for first thing! He still came round though.
The night began with David, me and Keya singing High School Musical Singstar at the top of out lungs! It was great! Then Matt and Lou joined us, and the drinking began. Tom later joined us, and we were all in the lounge, sat down, drinking, singing, just having a good time.
David had previously downloaded a Japanese shock horror that everyone is watching in Film Studies called ‘Visitor Q’. We thought we’d watch it because everyone seemed so disgusted by it in Film, so we wanted to see what the fuss was about. It wasn’t actually that bad, to be honest. It’s only a bit of incest, domestic violence, drugs, rape, necrophilia and lactating…
Anyway, we thought we’d go into the kitchen to watch the film as it was way too loud in the lounge to watch it, and David thought it was too hot in the lounge anyway. So, as we’re sat there, watching some woman being forced to lactate, while her breasts are being squeezed, Matt comes in, and him and Lou have had an argument, so he thought he’d come into the kitchen to cool off. This is only the start of the night of alcohol fuelled arguments.
Basically, Matt had joined us because he said that if anyone, including Keya, gets aggressive with him, then he’d punch them, which Lou interpreted as, ‘I’m going to punch Keya.’. This didn’t go down too well with Lou, understandably, so they had a dispute about it. This was not helped by the alcohol. I then went into the lounge to help them sort it out, and Tom helped in making Lou understand what Matt meant, by stating that, for example, if I got aggressive with him then he’d ‘smack the bitch out!’ Lovely, Tom.
David and I are sat happily watching our film again, and Keya comes stumbling through the corridor, wine glass in his hand, into the kitchen mumbling ‘fucking Chris Brown and fucking Rihanna. Calling me a fucking fag…’ Me and David are so confused, so we’re just looking at him like ‘What the actual fuck…?’ as he starts giggling like a little school girl. Then Keya storms off slurring ‘Fuck you guys, I can’t be bothered.’ which has got me and David even more confused! A few minutes later, Lou comes and joins us in the kitchen and says ‘Keya would like it if you guys stopped staring at him.’, so I said ‘Keya, would you like to know why we were staring at you?’ and then did a tremendous impression of him, mincing in, chatting about Chris Brown and Rihanna, which, I admit, was hilarious.
At this point, everyone’s in the kitchen, and Lou and I both light our cigarettes on the gas hob, and Keya wants to too. So, he put the hob on, lit his fag, and as soon as he faced us, we all burst out laughing. He had singed the first layer of his fringe! Unfortunately, Keya did not find it as amusing as we did, and got slightly angry, yet we carried on laughing at the brown layer on top of his black hair.
Then, once more, David and I were left alone to carry on with our crazy Japanese film, bar Matt, who was still with us. Lou, Keya and Tom were all in the lounge. Matt went to join them, and then stormed out shouting something about Lou and Keya. What had happened was; Keya and Lou were both in their underwear, for some unknown reason, since the rest of us were fully clothed, and Keya was on top of Lou getting a back rub. Matt, unfortunately did not see it as innocent as it actually was, and was shouting at Lou. This was not entirely helped by Keya sarcastically saying that he had an erection. Regardless of the fact that Keya is gay, Matt still took it as his girlfriend being on another guy. At this point, we were all in the kitchen, once more, Matt shouting at Lou and Keya, me and David trying to calm it down, and Tom getting so fed up of this, he just walked out and went home. I was stood in front of Matt, who was sitting down, and Keya, who was just in his boxers and socks, was facing me, shouting at me, attempting to intimidate me, with his ex-pikey ways. Me and David decided it would be best if they were separated, so Keya and Lou went into the lounge once more, leaving just me, David and Matt in the kitchen.
Keya then puts his shoes on and storms out the house, claiming he had has enough. I follow him, leaving David, Lou and Matt in the kitchen. As I’m following Keya, Matt and Lou are ‘sorting things out’, and as David said, they were shouting so much he had to scream ‘INDOOR VOICES!’ at them!
Keya is out the house, storming down the road, and I’m following him, with no shoes on, and it had been raining! My socks got soaking and it really wasn’t that comfortable. Keya noticed me following him and told me to ‘Fuck off.’ I tried explaining to him that I had to follow him, as I didn’t want him getting into a fight or hit by a car, or anything bad. He ignored that and carried on storming away. Again, he turned round, saw me and this time, and started running off! So, I run after him, which was horrid, considering how ridiculously unfit I am. He finally stops at a bus stop, and sits down. I wait, a few paces away from him, and then he signals me to join him after a few minutes. He eventually calms down, and feels able to come back. We decided it’s probably best for Keya not to confront Matt and Lou for a while, until he is properly calmed down, so he begins putting the recycling in the bin, with David’s help (and considering the amount of alcohol consumed, was a fair bit). David then helped to calm Keya down, and even got him to apologise, which, in itself is a massive achievement, considering how insanely stubborn Keya is. While this is happening, I’m in the kitchen with Lou and Matt, trying to sort them out. After a while, it boils down to them both being calm and vaguely comprehending where the other one is coming from. Matt works up the courage to make a speech, including the line if ‘Look, Lou, I love you, okay?’ to which Louisa replies ‘And I love spending time with you.’ And although it sounded bitchy, I made it clear to Matt that she was actually extremely flattered, as I can read Lou like the back of a cereal box (I don’t read books…).
Then Keya came back in the kitchen, and apologised to Matt and Lou for getting overly aggressive, mouthy and bitchy, just, in less words, more like ‘I’m sorry for being a dickhead.’ Which lead to Lou and Keya hugging, which made Matt feel extremely uncomfortable, thus through gritted teeth he stated that he was going to ‘smack him’. Unfortunately for everyone, Keya overheard this, which made him feel like it was appropriate to first query what he said, and after we all denied that Matt had said he was going to hit him, he said ‘If he said that, I’m going to get a knife, and I’m going to stab him.’ Although I took this threat loosely, I was still kinda worried since Keya was right by the knives in the kitchen!
Luckily, we calmed him down, and we got David, Lou and Keya in the lounge, and I made everyone tea, and we all sat down together, as we were at the beginning of the night, with no arguments or conflict.
It’s was about 12:30 which really isn’t late, but David and I, and everyone agreed that it was probably time for bed. Lou and Matt slept together in the lounge (in more sense than one!) and Keya, David and I all snuggled together in the double bed. For about the first 20 minutes of bed time, I had Keya saying ‘I’m such a dick when I drink.’ Then chuckling to himself like a child. Then we all went to sleep, woke up, and everything was alright in the morning. But alas, David and I never did finish our film.


  1. Pretty amazing, good good good story i love you and this

  2. Haha, I just had to lol a couple of times :p
    Extremely funny, though weird, story x)
    And you write really well!