Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Get a job, you bum!

Being unemployed sucks. Like, fo' realz. 
Even though I'm like, THE laziest person in the world, I'd rather have to get up everyday to go to work, than staying up until gone 4am watching shit TV and playing The Sims 3 on my iPod, and then waking up at some ridiculous hour of the afternoon and starting the process all over again. I'm pretty sure I've been wearing the same jogging bottoms for about 3 days solid. 
I feel like Peter Bretter from Forgetting Sarah Marshall right after they break up (yeah, I watched it yesterday). I'm doing *nothing* with my life. I have put out a few CVs and stuff but no call backs yet. Also, I don't want a job because my current job (which has changed to just weekends, hence the need for a job) is the best job in the world! I do absolutely nothing all day and drink as much coffee as I want. It's awesome. 
I can't even be bothered to type this out, so I'm doing it on my iPod. WIN. That would explain the potential random spellings. I'm also watching Family Guy and not concentrating at all. 
I suppose good things come out of unemployment... For example, I got bored earlier, made a catapult out of pencils, rubber bands and paper and used several coloured Sharpies to draw a giant eye on my knee and paint my nails, among other things. Wow, I'm lame. 
Anyway, if anyone's got a job going that they wanna give me, that'd be great! 

Oh, what's funny is I've only not been working for 3 days. God forbid the day I'm properly unemployed... 

Friday, 3 September 2010

Welcome to the depths of my soul.

Why must I feel like this? For the past week or so, I’ve been feeling like ass. Total crap. Literally, depressed. And I don’t know why.
I’ve been coming home from work, lying on the sofa, and staying there until the early hours of the morning watching CSI and Family Guy. Going to sleep, and doing it all again. My life serves no purpose, and I’m completely unmotivated. I’ve been ignoring my best friend, despite how he phones me everyday, and I feel so fucking bad about it, but I don’t want to talk to him, because I’m ashamed. He’s been texting me, trying to contact me, and I’ve literally been ignoring him. I mean, I appreciate his attempts, I really do, but I just feel ashamed and down. I don’t *want* to talk to anyone.
            When I’m lying on the sofa, watching shit TV, playing pointless games on my iPod, I feel so, so drained, pointless, still. I don’t want to move, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to talk, I don’t even want to sleep, despite how tired I constantly am for work.
            I want to sleep, I want to cry, I want to release whatever is inside of me that’s making me feel like this! I want to feel better! I just can’t seem to… I go to work, and I’m fine, but as soon as I come home, I feel nothing. I feel empty.
            There are possible reasons for this. For example, Louisa, one of my best friends, is leaving to go to university in London soon. Another reason could be my best friend going away for like a week to Madrid. But the most probably reason is, the fact that I’m not going back into education, I don’t have a stable job under my belt, and I don’t have the skills required to go into the field I want to. I could get the skills, sure, but that requires motivation. Something I lack. Making me more depressed. Catch 22, right?
            My motivation is so low. I’m arriving to work about 5 minutes late everyday, I’ve been promising myself that I’d tidy my room for months, I need to go to the gym, but I can’t be arsed. I don’t want to get out of bed in the mornings, and I don’t want to go there at night.
            Hopefully, these feelings will go away soon. I really hope they do. Also, I’m sorry for being so damn emotional, but blogging is my release. God, I hate depression.
         I’m ashamed that it’s me feeling like this. I’m ashamed that I can’t control it. But mostly, I’m ashamed that it’s happening again. I want to be happy.