I remember a time when I’d post a blog pretty much once a week because I actually had exciting things going on in my life. I remember a time when I wasn’t drowning in a sea of coursework, using only the raft of procrastination as a float, which, to be honest, doesn’t get me anywhere, or keep me afloat very well. I remember a time when I wasn’t staying in to do coursework for subjects that I’m failing because I haven’t done the coursework, but then end up lying in bed watching Buffy instead!
Okay, that last part was a lie. I’ve always been a professional procrastinator. But still, seriously, at the moment, my life sucks!! I’m not going out because everyone has work to do, and that includes me. I’ve skived like 4 days off college in the past few weeks, which, for someone who attends every lesson unless there is a good reason, is really bad! I’ve also done several all nighters. Why? Because I needed to do my coursework. What did I do instead? Watch stuff online and molest Twitter. I could be using the time I’m wasting now to do something relatively productive, but no, I’m going to sit here and whinge about what I should be doing whilst refreshing Facebook every five minutes!
Exams start in three weeks apparently. I need to finish my coursework to a good standard and then learn, not revise, learn all the things I need to know for my exams! Another thing, to get into the university I want to go to, I need to get BBC. Now, all of this is totally not out of my reach. I don’t even really need to push myself to get that. I’m naturally smart, and good with exams. I just lack severely in motivation! Nothing appeals to me! I don’t want to write an article on how you have to talk like a man to get a good job! I don’t want to create a website analysing the opening credits of Buffy! I don’t want to think about how to direct a play! I just really, really can’t be bothered! I’ve even tried making everything more exciting by making it as gay as possible, like, using Xena and Buffy as example in my Media essay, or comparing Liz Feldman and Julie Goldman in my English. Nothing’s working.
Basically, I’m being a total whiny bitch because I’m freaking out about failing. I also have realised how much it’s gonna cost to go to uni. A lot. I’m also in debt by about £300 to my parents. The thing is, even if I did randomly go back in time and sprout an extra week, I can almost guarantee you I’d just spend it in bed doing shit all! I didn’t even go to the gym for two weeks because I couldn’t be bothered… My entire life lacks in motivation! Maybe I’m not pushing myself because I think I’m gonna fail and it’ll be less embarrassing if I fail without trying than putting the effort in and failing anyway. I don’t know. All I know is that unless I seriously buckle down I’m not going to uni. I have my deadlines in a few days. I’ve been telling myself I need to do this for months. I fail at life.
This academic year has gone so quickly, and I don’t feel like I’ve achieved much, bar making new friends! I’ll manage it. I always scrape by… Somehow!
On a good note though, my best friend of all time, Brodie, has started blogging, so I think you should check it out, because, to be honest, she’s almost as cool as me! It’s just a blog about stuff that happens in her life or things she finds interesting and amusing. I can pretty much guarantee that it’s gonna be good. So, check it out http://brodiedb.tumblr.com/ kthx.
So, now I’ve wasted a sufficient amount of time writing this, I feel I should stop. I probably shouldn’t have started, but it’s a lot more productive than making pterodactyl noises and talking with a gay lisp. Get over the fact that I’m kinda weird? Over and out! (I’m so lame!)
Post production edit: StumbleUpon.com is my new favourite website. It’s basically the procrastinators essential! And I’m not sure whether Stumbling Upon this: http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/24AieZ/asil.logicalinsanity.ca/300college%252520paper.html was ironic, or a sign…
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Sunday, 21 March 2010
Thursday, 17 December 2009
The holidays are coming.
My. Life. Sucks.
Seriously, I have nothing to write about apart from just general updates, so, firstly, I am sorry that it’s so boring, and secondly, I’ll try and make everything sound much more interesting than it actually is.
Well, I finished my last day of college today, as we are breaking up for the holidays.
I’ve realised that I physically cannot watch the videos of Regina Spektor back because one, it physically hurts, and two, it takes me back to a very dark emotional place.
I am going for an all you can eat Chinese buffet tomorrow with my friends, David, Eloise and maybe some other people. I can’t remember! So, I am not eating from now, as I want to get my moneys worth!!
Also, Christmas may actually be enjoyable again this year! Usually, I am a total Scrooge at Christmas. Ever since I grew up, realised Santa didn’t exist, and stopped getting excited over the little presents, Christmas has been shit. I find it far too materialistic, and it annoys me. The presents, the lights, the decorations… It’s too much and wastes too much energy and resources! Among other things, my Christmas consists of having to spend hours with family members who I see twice a year (Christmas and birthdays) despite the fact that they live 10 minutes away, at the most! To put it simply, it’s full of awkward conversations, over politeness and stuff I really don’t care about. To put the angel on the tree, so to speak, my father gets far too drunk and insists on showing us home videos over, and over, and over again, regardless of the fact that we saw them last year, and the last time they came round… He doesn’t get it that no one cares!!
Anyway, that is my usual Christmas. But this year, I’m excited, because David, Louisa, Keya and I are all getting each other presents and it’s all secrets to the person we’re buying for, but the others can know, so we’ve been having amazing fun buying presents, which are very amusing and generally brilliant! I can’t say what the presents I got are, for fear of them finding out, but I’ll definitely tell you afterwards. For our Christmas on the 22nd, we’re going round Keya’s house, drinking, watching Christmas films, and opening our presents. Also, Brodie, my all time best friend, has got me amazing presents, and I’ve got her better ones, which should be fun. Brodie and I have a Christmas tradition of telling each other what we want, and openly buying it for each other! But this year, I’ve made her a t-shirt as well as buying her other things (again, I’m not telling you what it says, you’ll have to wait and see!) which is amazing!
Also, these rage fits are not going. I am getting far too irritated with the littlest things. I can’t seem to control my rage. Here’s how my one started just now. I kindly asked my father if he could possibly take time out of his extremely busy schedule of being a loving father, wonderful husband and a great employee. He then turned around, looked at my sweet innocent face, while contorting his into a hideous grimace. Storming up to me, eyes like fire, face like thunder, I cowered as he tightly gripped my neck with his hands… Okay, this never happened. I just felt it’d be more fun to write about it this way. After I asked him, he told me that I had to tidy my room before I did it, which, I know I do, it’s a disgusting mess, but I’ll never admit that to my parents! Regardless, after he refused, I phoned my mother. By this, I mean, I phoned the house phone. Dad answered, I said ‘No, I don’t want you.’ And he shouted to Mum to not answer cause ‘it’s only Tash’. I phoned again, and again, and again until she answered. I told her what happened, that even though Dad had promised he’d do it, he wasn’t, and she agreed with him! Okay, I am well aware that this is all pathetic and immature, but it got to me, so I shouted ‘Fuck off!’ down the phone, threw it across the room and there is currently a dent in my wall and my phone is somewhere in my room…
So, I’m sat here blasting Regina Spektor out from my iPod! It doesn’t quite have the same effect as, for example, screamo or metal would, so I might change it to Tegan & Sara or something less… Beautiful. It’s all about the effect.
That’s my life so far, and apparently I seem to be able to write about nothing in lots of words! I also had a ridiculous lack in motivation to go through and check this again, so apologies if it doesn’t make sense.
Seriously, I have nothing to write about apart from just general updates, so, firstly, I am sorry that it’s so boring, and secondly, I’ll try and make everything sound much more interesting than it actually is.
Well, I finished my last day of college today, as we are breaking up for the holidays.
I’ve realised that I physically cannot watch the videos of Regina Spektor back because one, it physically hurts, and two, it takes me back to a very dark emotional place.
I am going for an all you can eat Chinese buffet tomorrow with my friends, David, Eloise and maybe some other people. I can’t remember! So, I am not eating from now, as I want to get my moneys worth!!
Also, Christmas may actually be enjoyable again this year! Usually, I am a total Scrooge at Christmas. Ever since I grew up, realised Santa didn’t exist, and stopped getting excited over the little presents, Christmas has been shit. I find it far too materialistic, and it annoys me. The presents, the lights, the decorations… It’s too much and wastes too much energy and resources! Among other things, my Christmas consists of having to spend hours with family members who I see twice a year (Christmas and birthdays) despite the fact that they live 10 minutes away, at the most! To put it simply, it’s full of awkward conversations, over politeness and stuff I really don’t care about. To put the angel on the tree, so to speak, my father gets far too drunk and insists on showing us home videos over, and over, and over again, regardless of the fact that we saw them last year, and the last time they came round… He doesn’t get it that no one cares!!
Anyway, that is my usual Christmas. But this year, I’m excited, because David, Louisa, Keya and I are all getting each other presents and it’s all secrets to the person we’re buying for, but the others can know, so we’ve been having amazing fun buying presents, which are very amusing and generally brilliant! I can’t say what the presents I got are, for fear of them finding out, but I’ll definitely tell you afterwards. For our Christmas on the 22nd, we’re going round Keya’s house, drinking, watching Christmas films, and opening our presents. Also, Brodie, my all time best friend, has got me amazing presents, and I’ve got her better ones, which should be fun. Brodie and I have a Christmas tradition of telling each other what we want, and openly buying it for each other! But this year, I’ve made her a t-shirt as well as buying her other things (again, I’m not telling you what it says, you’ll have to wait and see!) which is amazing!
Also, these rage fits are not going. I am getting far too irritated with the littlest things. I can’t seem to control my rage. Here’s how my one started just now. I kindly asked my father if he could possibly take time out of his extremely busy schedule of being a loving father, wonderful husband and a great employee. He then turned around, looked at my sweet innocent face, while contorting his into a hideous grimace. Storming up to me, eyes like fire, face like thunder, I cowered as he tightly gripped my neck with his hands… Okay, this never happened. I just felt it’d be more fun to write about it this way. After I asked him, he told me that I had to tidy my room before I did it, which, I know I do, it’s a disgusting mess, but I’ll never admit that to my parents! Regardless, after he refused, I phoned my mother. By this, I mean, I phoned the house phone. Dad answered, I said ‘No, I don’t want you.’ And he shouted to Mum to not answer cause ‘it’s only Tash’. I phoned again, and again, and again until she answered. I told her what happened, that even though Dad had promised he’d do it, he wasn’t, and she agreed with him! Okay, I am well aware that this is all pathetic and immature, but it got to me, so I shouted ‘Fuck off!’ down the phone, threw it across the room and there is currently a dent in my wall and my phone is somewhere in my room…
So, I’m sat here blasting Regina Spektor out from my iPod! It doesn’t quite have the same effect as, for example, screamo or metal would, so I might change it to Tegan & Sara or something less… Beautiful. It’s all about the effect.
That’s my life so far, and apparently I seem to be able to write about nothing in lots of words! I also had a ridiculous lack in motivation to go through and check this again, so apologies if it doesn’t make sense.
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