The day I met Regina Spektor.

I literally can’t express my emotions into words right now, but I’ll have a go at it anyway.

            For the second time, I was going to see Regina Spektor. You know, that amazing singer who I utterly adore and have her name tattooed on my back…? Yeah, that one. This time, we had to travel all the way to Cambridge. Despite booking in advance, it definitely wasn’t without its difficulties…

            Georgie and I had arranged to meet at 10:30 in Southampton, so I got up at 9, got ready, put my Regina Spektor hoodie on, found out mother had stained it with hair dye, almost killed her, then left to get the train. Being the douchebag I am, I forgot the bloody tickets, so managed to miss the train, forcing me to get another one! This was like, super bad, because we could only get one train up to London or we’d have to buy tickets and would miss our coach. Luckily, I was actually on the train we were getting, so I just stayed on it instead of meeting Georgie early.

            Anyway, we arrive at London, and have to meet Georgie’s cousins flatmate so she can give us the key to their apartment, so we’d actually have a roof over our heads that night. We had 25 minutes to get from the train station to the coach station. I thought that was ample time, ‘cause Google told me it took 10 minutes! Apparently, that didn’t include getting the key, and walking from the underground to the coach station, so we may or may not have missed it… Luckily, I’m super rich, so we stood in a queue for about an hour and I bought us new coach tickets for a coach that’d get us in at about 6 o’clock. This was annoying. Why? I wanted to get to the front, like, the very front of the concert and the doors opened at 7, meaning, there’d probably be loads of people already there and we wouldn’t even get close!

            However, we got to Cambridge Corn Exchange and there were only a handful of people in front of us. Probably about 20-30 people. As soon as we got in line, a guy, by himself, stood behind us. We felt it appropriate to talk to him, and he was an Australian called Tom. He was utterly lovely, and we spent the rest of the evening with him. He was also going back to London that evening and informed us of a coach back at 12:45. Our tickets were for the 11:30 coach back, and we thought that it wouldn’t finish before then so we’d miss it, so, I phoned up Daddy and he booked two tickets for the later coach. He did.

            At 7, the doors opened and we rushed to get in. Bags had to be put in the cloakroom, so we ran up to it and tried to be as quick as possible! We ran back down, and hurried to the stage. We managed to get to the second row from the front. I, unfortunately, was behind two really, super, gigantically tall people, and I could just about see over their shoulders. I did ask them to move slightly at one point, and there were as helpful as they could be, but there was literally no space, but, whatever.

            So, the support act, Nicole Atkins, came on and sang. She was really good and really sweet, but she kept ending every single song with a slow chord. Literally, every single song. Regardless of that, you should most definitely YouTube her. Like, right now. Well, after you’ve read this. After Nicole Atkins (or Catherine, as Tom called her) finished her set, it was Regina’s turn…

            Now, Regina came on stage and looked really depressed. Why? Her cellist, Dan Cho, who she’d be touring with for at least 8 months, had drowned two weeks previous. Understandably, she was upset. In fact, I wouldn’t have blamed her if she cancelled the rest of the tour. However, she still sang, incredibly, but there was little audience interaction and no encore. It was still amazing, bar the two tall people.

            The set finished at around 10:30, and I didn’t cry, but I was slightly depressed once it was over. We got our stuff, and then started talking to Nicole Atkins for about 10 minutes, who was lovely! Oh, and we totally hugged her. Then we were asked to move, ‘cause they had to close and stuff. Georgie and I realised that we could have got the coach we intended to get, but decided to stay with Tom and get the coach with him. We went to a pub and got a drink. Then they were hungry, so we walked back in the direction of the Corn Exchange towards a really cheap, ganky takeaway trailer we passed on the way. After getting our ‘nutritious’ meals, we thought it’d be fun to wait by Regina’s tour bus, on the odd chance we could meet her.

            Nicole Atkins came out and we talked to her some more. She asked for a ‘smoke’, but I’d literally just ran out, so after delving in her bag and finding one, she used my lighter. Yeah, that’s right; I’m in with famous people. Anyway, there were only about 7 other people there. Regina’s violinist was there, and we told him how good he was, and then talked to Nicole Atkins some more. Then, we heard ‘See you later, Regina’ and I literally froze. She walked round the corner, and it was like I was paralyzed. All I could do was slightly lift my arm to point at her and say ‘Th-th-that’s… That’s Re…’ Luckily, Georgie asked for a picture and we got one, I had to quickly calm down, so I could actually talk to her. I said ‘Um, can I have a hug, please, cause that’d probably make my life complete…’ and she gave me a hug. Then, feeling slightly more brave, I said ‘At the risk of sounding super creepy…’ then turned around and pulled my top down exposing my tattoo. She held my top down, stroke my tattoo and apparently, as soon as she saw it, she had a massive grin on her face like she was stupidly happy to see it. She said it was ‘amazing’, and then I told her that I saw her MySpace blog on Prop 8 and gave her one of my ‘Homosexuality is NOT a choice, but homophobia is’ wristbands. She said (regarding Prop 8) ‘I fucking hate that shit.’ She then had to go, and we walked off. About 10 seconds after, I started hyperventilating, tears in my eyes, and we were all completely shocked about what happened. We were walking through the streets of Cambridge with Tom shouting ‘WE JUST MET REGINA SPEKTOR!’. It truly was one of the best moments of my life.

            We got on the coach, looked at the picture, talked about how surreal it all was, then slept. We arrived at London, left Tom, which kinda sucked and went back to Georgie’s cousins ridiculously huge apartment. I’m talking, water features with mosaic tiles inside and a lounge bigger than a normal students apartment.

            In the morning, we met up with Becky, our friend from college who stupidly decided to move to London so we’d like, never see her again. We had a really great catch up, and had a great time with her. Then, it was time to go home. We got the train, then Daddy picked me up from the station, and I told him all about it.

            It’s never going to feel real to me, that I met Regina Spektor. I’ve literally imagined it so many times; it just feels like another fantasy. I’ve told so many people exactly what I’ve written down, and no matter how many times I’ve said it, or how many times I look at the picture, it still hasn’t sunk in. Hopefully, I’ll see her again soon. Oh, Regina Spektor, how I love you so.

Possibly the best Friday in my entire existence

Okay, so today has literally been one of the best days of my life. I’m not even kidding. I know you won’t care, but I want to relive the best day, like, ever!

            Okay, so I woke up at 7 am, and didn’t miss the train to college! Then I went to Drama, which was actually alright, considering it was just a boring written lesson. After Drama, I usually have 4 hours of free periods, which I spend in the library procrastinating as much as possible, watching Family Guy and playing Grand Theft Auto. Today, however, Georgie, Emily and I all went to Becky’s, which is like a 10 minute walk, yet, we drove there. Regardless, we made a cup of tea, talked about my epic birthday that’s coming up and talked about masturbation. Then Becky asked if I would masturbate in front of her. I declined. Then, we talked about porn and found it appropriate to watch the sickest porn we could find, because we’re strange like that and find it hilarious! We kinda popped Emily’s weird porn virginity with viral videos such as 2Guys1Stump, 1Man1Jar and Putrid Sex Object. It was great!

            We put the laptop away after not being able to find 2Girls1Cup and 1Man1Screwdriver, then Georgie decided to show us her special talent! Queefing! It was the weirdest thing watching her do a shoulder stand whilst spreading her legs at all sorts of different angles with Becky stating that she could ‘hear it breathe’.

            Then we chatted, laughed, watched Georgie attempt to roll (which ended atrociously!) and left to go back to college, where I met up with Louisa and Keya, and we spent about half an hour with each other before our lessons began again.

            It was time for English, so I trudged along, not looking forward to an hour with The Witch only to find out our lesson had been cancelled! So, back I went to the library, completed the essay plan for my next lesson and played Grand Theft Auto. Awesome.

            It was time for Media with Keya, Chris, Emily, Tom, Hope and Ben, who are all amazingly hilarious. Also, we had Graham, our crazy ginger, wannabe hip-hop artist teacher. Surprisingly enough, we didn’t really do much work.

            After the lesson ended, I got a phone call from David, asking me if I wanted to go up to Southampton to join him as he was there by himself getting his MacBook fixed. At first, I declined ‘cause I really couldn’t be bothered. Then I roped Keya into coming, and we got the train, with Max and Tom (from Media).

            On the train, Max was being a homosexual bastard. I was trying to snuggle him, like a normal couple do, and he was completely rejecting me!! So, we had a small domestic where I moaned at him for trying to act ‘manly’ in front of his friends, and not showing me affection. Then, I brought up how he cheated on me at his brothers wedding. He claimed that was because he saw me and his brother in a room together, which he jumped to extreme conclusions about because his brother was telling me not to break up with Max! Max then (at the wedding) kissed a girl in front of me because he ‘thought I was cheating on him’, and then punched his brother in his face!! I had to break up with Max then and there because I just couldn’t take it anymore. I decided to make Max jealous by flirting with Keya. It totally worked.

            Whilst all this was going on, there was a really rather attractive woman sat opposite us on the row behind, and she kept looking at us. I decided it would be appropriate to pull really strange, hideous faces at her. Unfortunately, I think she saw one… LOL!

            Time jump! We’re now at Southampton, Max, Keya and I, and we’re going to meet David. David had finished getting his MacBook fixed by the potentially gay guy in the shop who gave David a £100 battery for free, so we went for dinner at Nando’s.

            After waiting forever to actually get seated, we finally did. I decided, being the lovely, wonderful person that I am, that I’d buy the boys their dinner. After a nice political debate about the new government, we were ready to order. Up Max, David and I went to the till, ready to place our orders, and luckily, there wasn’t a large queue. Unfortunately, there was a Chinese lady in front who didn’t quite understand her receipt. After literally about 10 minutes and the staff member going through it at least seven times, she seemed content, so finally left! We ordered our food, and sat down to wait.

            Whilst we were eating, for some really strange reason, Keya started talking about how much we hated our husbands (David and Max). Keya was bitching about how David didn’t like the dinner he cooked, so he ate his baby, and I was bitching about how on Valentines Day, Max chased me around the house with an axe. It was literally hilarious, and it’s been videoed, so there’ll no doubt be a link on here post-production, and/or on my Twitter (@Dykadellic) and Facebook.

            David needed to get some new work shoes, so we looked in Schuh, a shoe shop, surprisingly, where the staff were so rude! Max and I were clearly having a conversation with each other, and this woman interrupts us mid-laugh, to ask us if we ‘need any help’. Erm, excuse me, but one, we’re not even buying anything, and two, you totally just butted in! I’m joking, we’re not that obnoxious.

            Then, after an unsuccessful browse in there, we went to Sports Direct, which is basically a maze of sports clothes, shoes, equipment and other accessories. Max and I got bored, and I was pointing at all the really attractive shoes telling Max he looked like them. Then we, mainly I, got hyper, and pretended the shop was a jungle, started making orgasm noises near people, then hiding and trying on hats.

            We went to McDonald’s to get a McFlurry, because I’m obese and need a constant supply of food. There, we sat, almost alone, took pictures of us, and the cleaning staff (that bit was just me) and I may or may not have pretended I was deaf, and even put on the ‘voice’. It was kinda hilarious, so don’t judge me, because I already know I’m horrid, but if you were there, you’d be going to hell too, because you would have laughed!

            The time had come for us to head back to the train station, and also time for another alter ego to come out. This time, I was Winston (after Churchill, you know), son of Napoleon, commander of the H.M.S. Victory in the war on the Spanish Armada, and very well spoken, racist, rich, upper class gentlemen, who only has one white slave “And that’s the wife! Chortle!”. This was also videoed, and if I may say so myself, it was hilarious. There’s something wrong with me, but I like it.

            Anyway, after about 1000 hours of laughter, mainly caused by Max, it was time to depart. Max was going the opposite way to us, so David, Keya and I got on the train together, and I doodled on pictures of people in the paper.

All in all, it’s been an exquisite day, and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t get better friends even if I tried.