The holidays are coming.

My. Life. Sucks.

Seriously, I have nothing to write about apart from just general updates, so, firstly, I am sorry that it’s so boring, and secondly, I’ll try and make everything sound much more interesting than it actually is.

Well, I finished my last day of college today, as we are breaking up for the holidays.
I’ve realised that I physically cannot watch the videos of Regina Spektor back because one, it physically hurts, and two, it takes me back to a very dark emotional place.
I am going for an all you can eat Chinese buffet tomorrow with my friends, David, Eloise and maybe some other people. I can’t remember! So, I am not eating from now, as I want to get my moneys worth!!
Also, Christmas may actually be enjoyable again this year! Usually, I am a total Scrooge at Christmas. Ever since I grew up, realised Santa didn’t exist, and stopped getting excited over the little presents, Christmas has been shit. I find it far too materialistic, and it annoys me. The presents, the lights, the decorations… It’s too much and wastes too much energy and resources! Among other things, my Christmas consists of having to spend hours with family members who I see twice a year (Christmas and birthdays) despite the fact that they live 10 minutes away, at the most! To put it simply, it’s full of awkward conversations, over politeness and stuff I really don’t care about. To put the angel on the tree, so to speak, my father gets far too drunk and insists on showing us home videos over, and over, and over again, regardless of the fact that we saw them last year, and the last time they came round… He doesn’t get it that no one cares!!
Anyway, that is my usual Christmas. But this year, I’m excited, because David, Louisa, Keya and I are all getting each other presents and it’s all secrets to the person we’re buying for, but the others can know, so we’ve been having amazing fun buying presents, which are very amusing and generally brilliant! I can’t say what the presents I got are, for fear of them finding out, but I’ll definitely tell you afterwards. For our Christmas on the 22nd, we’re going round Keya’s house, drinking, watching Christmas films, and opening our presents. Also, Brodie, my all time best friend, has got me amazing presents, and I’ve got her better ones, which should be fun. Brodie and I have a Christmas tradition of telling each other what we want, and openly buying it for each other! But this year, I’ve made her a t-shirt as well as buying her other things (again, I’m not telling you what it says, you’ll have to wait and see!) which is amazing!

Also, these rage fits are not going. I am getting far too irritated with the littlest things. I can’t seem to control my rage. Here’s how my one started just now. I kindly asked my father if he could possibly take time out of his extremely busy schedule of being a loving father, wonderful husband and a great employee. He then turned around, looked at my sweet innocent face, while contorting his into a hideous grimace. Storming up to me, eyes like fire, face like thunder, I cowered as he tightly gripped my neck with his hands… Okay, this never happened. I just felt it’d be more fun to write about it this way. After I asked him, he told me that I had to tidy my room before I did it, which, I know I do, it’s a disgusting mess, but I’ll never admit that to my parents! Regardless, after he refused, I phoned my mother. By this, I mean, I phoned the house phone. Dad answered, I said ‘No, I don’t want you.’ And he shouted to Mum to not answer cause ‘it’s only Tash’. I phoned again, and again, and again until she answered. I told her what happened, that even though Dad had promised he’d do it, he wasn’t, and she agreed with him! Okay, I am well aware that this is all pathetic and immature, but it got to me, so I shouted ‘Fuck off!’ down the phone, threw it across the room and there is currently a dent in my wall and my phone is somewhere in my room…
So, I’m sat here blasting Regina Spektor out from my iPod! It doesn’t quite have the same effect as, for example, screamo or metal would, so I might change it to Tegan & Sara or something less… Beautiful. It’s all about the effect.

That’s my life so far, and apparently I seem to be able to write about nothing in lots of words! I also had a ridiculous lack in motivation to go through and check this again, so apologies if it doesn’t make sense.

The incoherent mass of events from the past few days.

I’m currently sat in Starbucks, with my friend Anna from college, drinking tea and watching her fail at drinking hot chocolate by getting whipped cream all around her mouth. God, I feel the part.
So, I went to a party last night, and set out to get really, really drunk. And I did. I also managed to get two free drinks and a taxi ride back.
The night started off with me being exceedingly late, getting there at 9:30, instead of the starting time of 7:30. I blame the buses for this. I was a bit pissed off with the fact that the bus was going to get there any earlier, but as the bus pulled in, I noticed that the bus driver was a massive dyke!! This excitement was enhanced by the two girls behind me, who was also raging homosexuals.
After arriving at the club, and greeting the people, including Charlie and Phoebe from work, and Stacey, the host of the party, who we used to work with also, I ordered a pint, to Phoebe and Charlie’s amusement (they found it profoundly butch). After taking the piss out of me for ordering a pint, they proceeded to promise me a cocktail. Okay, so I don’t usually drink cocktails, but I’m not turning down a free drink! (Speaking of cocktails, Phoebe and Charlie drank cocktails called Pink Pussy, much to my delight! I’m sure you can simply imagine the jokes.)
The night went on and, to be honest, there are some blank spots in my mind. Although, a fond memory of the night was playing gay chicken with straight girls. It’s so much fun! They get really creeped out! Yes, it may be weird, but watching them squirm is hilarious!
So, I managed to get a pint out of Charlie and a shot of Sambuka out of Phoebe, as well as getting my own drinks. I was very, very drunk. They got a taxi back to the train station, where I parked my bike, at around 12, and paid for it all. I paid nothing.
After arriving at the train station, me and Charlie decided to sing, which turned into shouting as loud as we could! I have no idea why, or what song we were attempting, but we did. Then they went to walk home, and I went to get on my moped. Yes, I was drink driving. And it’s a hideously bad, yet hilarious story.
So, I arrive in the taxi at Poole train station, and say goodbye to my friends, get my keys out of my pocket, somehow open the seat to get my helmet out and am able to put the keys in the ignition, get on my bike, and fall straight over. Literally, straight over. I probably hurt myself but, to be honest, I was so drunk I couldn’t comprehend it. I ride back, not perfectly, but manageably, singing, no shouting Lady Gaga – Poker Face, at the top of my voice, whilst beeping my horn! I must have woken so many people up! I somehow am able to arrive home, but I did a shoddy attempt at pulling into my driveway, failing, so I had to turn round, I once again fell over. This is when I actually hurt myself. I have a cut on my hand, a damaged elbow and my helmet is all scratched up… In all honesty, it isn’t as bad as I make out, but I’m a pussy. Well, you know what they say; you are what you eat!!
That was my night, and then I woke up in the morning, well, at about 12, and had a wonderful day in Bournemouth.
I’m now currently on the train back from New Milton, with Keya and David, who are both very homosexual, and they’re bitching about how I don’t blog about them. So, here we go.
We are coming back from New Milton, as that is where Louisa (the drunken lamppost talker!) lives. We got 23 items of food from Tesco, including cake mix. Tesco value cake mix! As we got two packets of cake mix, we split into teams. Me and David and Lou and Keya. Lou and Keya’s cake went well. Mine and David’s on the other hand… We decided to pour a whole new bottle of blue food colouring into it. Then realised it would taste like ass, so put loads of sugar in! Then as it was too gloopy, since we put fizzy tropical drink in instead of water, Lou suggested putting corn flour in it, to thicken it up. So, that’s what happened… Then, when Lou and Keya weren’t looking, me and David put bread into their cake mix! They noticed, and vowed to get us back… They put bread in ours too. Then, again when we weren’t looking, they poured salt into it all! Keya told me when we went out for a fag, and Lou and David were in the lounge, so when we went back into the kitchen and the cakes were baking, we put soy sauce and hot chilli powder in it!
Whilst the cakes were baking, Keya and Lou pinned me down whilst David tried to teabag me! Not nice. So, I got into Xena mode and fended all three of them off! Just because David and Keya are poofs and Lou’s a girl, it doesn’t mean they’re weak!
After a slight rape session, the cakes were done, so we went and got them out of the oven, let them cool down, and went to all try mine and David’s creation (with the tropical soda, salt, sugar, corn flour, soy sauce and chilli powder in), although, little to David’s knowledge, despite us all saying we were going to eat it at the same time, me, Louisa and Keya had no intentions of eating the skaggy pile of crap on our forks. David, however, oblivious to all the extra ingredients that had gone in there, put it in his mouth. Chewed. Screwed his face up in disgust, and spat it all out in the bin.
We then watched TV, got the train, went home. And here I am now, finally finishing off the blog that has taken me all day.