This is just to say thank you to anyone who reads this, and an even bigger thank you to my friends, who don't just read my blogs when I demand they do, but they're naturally amazing. Thank you so much guys. You make my life a lot better, and I love you all. Thank you.
(To be more specific; Brodie, Keya, David, Lou and Tom. BFFs!)
Saturday, 5 December 2009
The second best day of my life.
I am currently in a deep depression. Why? Last night I saw Regina Spektor. Okay, to you that sounds like a paradox, to me, it’s an oxymoron.
Friday 4th December:
1AM – Sleep.
6AM – Wake up.
6:30AM – Piss parents off by playing Regina Spektor as loud as possible.
8AM – Leave house to get train.
9:15AM – Get into drama and see Georgie’s face beaming up at me.
10:33AM – Get train to Southampton to then get the 12:30PM coach to London with Georgie.
11:10AM – Start taking pictures of EVERYTHING with disposable cameras.
12:10AM – Get on the coach to London with food, drink, cameras and most importantly, an iPod full of Regina Spektor songs.
Georgie and I arrive at London Victoria at approximately 2:30, and it still hadn’t hit me that we were going to see Regina Spektor. We navigate our way to the tube station (by we, I mean, I followed her) then eventually, after over an hour, we got to Hammersmith. It was almost 4 as we got to the Apollo, and we feared we weren’t going to be the first there, but, we were. I saw the Hammersmith Apollo in all it’s glory, and in red letters with a white background it said ‘Regina Spektor’. That’s when it hit me. At that point it actually hit me that I was going to see the woman I have been obsessed with for years. I again got a bit too camera happy at this point and looked like a ‘tourist’.
There we are, at the very front of the queue, at 4 o’clock… Doors didn’t open until 7. For the three hours we had to wait, we listened to Regina Spektor, then sat on the floor, then were completely silent as we had our hoods up, sheltering us from the rain and attempting to retain as much heat as we could.
Seven o’clock drew nearer; we stood up, getting ready to run in so we could get the best seats! They checked our tickets and we were finally inside, in the warm and dry, almost running through the building to get to Regina. Then, we were stopped. Apparently, they were still doing sound checks, so we had to wait at the doors for at least 20 minutes as they tortured us with occasional noises from the stage that was Regina singing, and a small window in which we caught glimpses of her drummer. The time finally came for us to go in; there was a stampede as all the eager fans rushed through the doors, trying to get to the front of the stage. Luckily, Georgie and I found a perfect spot. We were right in the centre at the very front.
We were waiting for Jenny Owen Youngs (Regina’s support act, who also did a duet with Regina called ‘Voice on Tape’) and directly in front of us was one singular microphone, slightly to our left, Regina’s piano, and to our right, her keyboard. It really was the most incredible spot.
Jenny Owen Youngs came on with just a guitar, and played it whilst sung. I have to admit, she was actually very good, as have proceeded to illegally download some of her music today. There’s only one criticism I have about her, and that’s she looked occasionally like a psychopathic serial killer, when she lowered her head and looked straight out. Other than that, brilliant!
There was like a 15 minute gap in between Jenny and Regina and behind us were the most annoying Irish people ever!! Okay, I used to love Irish accents, but not anymore. I can’t physically write down how infuriating they were. They were talking about the most ridiculous things, and what felt like an attempt at anal rape with their bags.
Then Regina came on and it felt like nothing in the world mattered. It was amazing. She started playing The Calculation and I couldn’t control myself; I burst into tears. I saw her, sitting there, playing her piano and singing. She looked and sounded so damn beautiful, and I realised that it was all real.
There are no words I can use to describe to total epicness of the concert, but I cried again, at several other points, and I sang and sang and sang. I am proud to say I knew the names and lyrics to all the songs, even Silly Eye Color Generalizations which is a song that has only been sung live. I was singing along to it, and this stupid bitch next to me kept looking at me, I was like, yeah, I know the words to her unreleased songs, and what? Regardless, during this song, she looked at me. Regina Spektor looked and me and smiled as she was singing. That was one of the best moments of my life to date. I was and am so, so happy.
Regina finished her set with Hotel Song which I videoed for my little sister, as it’s ‘our song’. When it was all over, and she was off the stage, I just stood there, frozen to the spot. I felt empty. It felt as if I had gotten pregnant and really wanted to keep the baby. I’d learnt to love it in the womb, and when it was out, it was the best feeling in the world, but before it’s first birthday the authorities had taken it away. It’s a cruel, tormenting feeling. I stood there, not knowing what to do, I could hardly talk. Sentences were compiled of key words, I plodded like a zombie, I was utterly speechless from how amazing the whole experience was for me, and, to be honest, I was most likely exhausted too.
Not much else happened, I bought a beautiful Regina Spektor hoodie, on the tubes I got extremely teary, we missed our coach so had to get the train with all the Friday night drunkards, which was insanely annoying, but I slept for a good hour, so it wasn’t that bad. I then got back home, still in my zombie like state and slept.
I’m honestly still depressed about the whole thing. It really is like mourning the death of a loved one, but I’m holding on to the fact that I will see her again one day. Hopefully soon. And, as Regina says ‘thought I’d cry for you forever, but I couldn’t, so I didn’t’.
Also, to clarify the title, the best day of my life was Ella being born. Nothing and no one can top that.
Friday 4th December:
1AM – Sleep.
6AM – Wake up.
6:30AM – Piss parents off by playing Regina Spektor as loud as possible.
8AM – Leave house to get train.
9:15AM – Get into drama and see Georgie’s face beaming up at me.
10:33AM – Get train to Southampton to then get the 12:30PM coach to London with Georgie.
11:10AM – Start taking pictures of EVERYTHING with disposable cameras.
12:10AM – Get on the coach to London with food, drink, cameras and most importantly, an iPod full of Regina Spektor songs.
Georgie and I arrive at London Victoria at approximately 2:30, and it still hadn’t hit me that we were going to see Regina Spektor. We navigate our way to the tube station (by we, I mean, I followed her) then eventually, after over an hour, we got to Hammersmith. It was almost 4 as we got to the Apollo, and we feared we weren’t going to be the first there, but, we were. I saw the Hammersmith Apollo in all it’s glory, and in red letters with a white background it said ‘Regina Spektor’. That’s when it hit me. At that point it actually hit me that I was going to see the woman I have been obsessed with for years. I again got a bit too camera happy at this point and looked like a ‘tourist’.
There we are, at the very front of the queue, at 4 o’clock… Doors didn’t open until 7. For the three hours we had to wait, we listened to Regina Spektor, then sat on the floor, then were completely silent as we had our hoods up, sheltering us from the rain and attempting to retain as much heat as we could.
Seven o’clock drew nearer; we stood up, getting ready to run in so we could get the best seats! They checked our tickets and we were finally inside, in the warm and dry, almost running through the building to get to Regina. Then, we were stopped. Apparently, they were still doing sound checks, so we had to wait at the doors for at least 20 minutes as they tortured us with occasional noises from the stage that was Regina singing, and a small window in which we caught glimpses of her drummer. The time finally came for us to go in; there was a stampede as all the eager fans rushed through the doors, trying to get to the front of the stage. Luckily, Georgie and I found a perfect spot. We were right in the centre at the very front.
We were waiting for Jenny Owen Youngs (Regina’s support act, who also did a duet with Regina called ‘Voice on Tape’) and directly in front of us was one singular microphone, slightly to our left, Regina’s piano, and to our right, her keyboard. It really was the most incredible spot.
Jenny Owen Youngs came on with just a guitar, and played it whilst sung. I have to admit, she was actually very good, as have proceeded to illegally download some of her music today. There’s only one criticism I have about her, and that’s she looked occasionally like a psychopathic serial killer, when she lowered her head and looked straight out. Other than that, brilliant!
There was like a 15 minute gap in between Jenny and Regina and behind us were the most annoying Irish people ever!! Okay, I used to love Irish accents, but not anymore. I can’t physically write down how infuriating they were. They were talking about the most ridiculous things, and what felt like an attempt at anal rape with their bags.
Then Regina came on and it felt like nothing in the world mattered. It was amazing. She started playing The Calculation and I couldn’t control myself; I burst into tears. I saw her, sitting there, playing her piano and singing. She looked and sounded so damn beautiful, and I realised that it was all real.
There are no words I can use to describe to total epicness of the concert, but I cried again, at several other points, and I sang and sang and sang. I am proud to say I knew the names and lyrics to all the songs, even Silly Eye Color Generalizations which is a song that has only been sung live. I was singing along to it, and this stupid bitch next to me kept looking at me, I was like, yeah, I know the words to her unreleased songs, and what? Regardless, during this song, she looked at me. Regina Spektor looked and me and smiled as she was singing. That was one of the best moments of my life to date. I was and am so, so happy.
Regina finished her set with Hotel Song which I videoed for my little sister, as it’s ‘our song’. When it was all over, and she was off the stage, I just stood there, frozen to the spot. I felt empty. It felt as if I had gotten pregnant and really wanted to keep the baby. I’d learnt to love it in the womb, and when it was out, it was the best feeling in the world, but before it’s first birthday the authorities had taken it away. It’s a cruel, tormenting feeling. I stood there, not knowing what to do, I could hardly talk. Sentences were compiled of key words, I plodded like a zombie, I was utterly speechless from how amazing the whole experience was for me, and, to be honest, I was most likely exhausted too.
Not much else happened, I bought a beautiful Regina Spektor hoodie, on the tubes I got extremely teary, we missed our coach so had to get the train with all the Friday night drunkards, which was insanely annoying, but I slept for a good hour, so it wasn’t that bad. I then got back home, still in my zombie like state and slept.
I’m honestly still depressed about the whole thing. It really is like mourning the death of a loved one, but I’m holding on to the fact that I will see her again one day. Hopefully soon. And, as Regina says ‘thought I’d cry for you forever, but I couldn’t, so I didn’t’.
Also, to clarify the title, the best day of my life was Ella being born. Nothing and no one can top that.
Thursday, 3 December 2009
Less than 20 hours, and it still hasn’t sunk in.
In less than 20 hours I will be at the front of a queue, as the doors for Regina Spektor open at the Hammersmith Apollo in London with Georgie. It doesn’t feel real. I feel like it’s not tomorrow. I can’t physically comprehend that my dream of (at least) three years is coming true. I am going to see Regina Spektor. Oh. My. God.
For you to understand why this is such a big deal, I will have to explain it to you. I love Regina Spektor so damn much. Literally, I love her. For starters, I’ve been obsessed with her music for years. I know all her albums. I own the all albums (bar 11:11 because it was released in 2001 at her concerts only, and there was limited hard copies, but I am trying to get hold of one, and I do have the MP3’s of it all) and I have all her unreleased demos. Not only that but I also have all her covers, duets and unreleased live songs, which amounts to around 163 different songs.
If that’s not enough, I have several radio sessions, about eight live recordings of concerts and all the bonus songs of her albums. I am a self-proclaimed ‘Regina SpektWhore’. I am following her on Twitter, a fan on Facebook, subscribed to her YouTube channel. I know her age, her background, her musical influences… I even have her name tattooed on my back!! Basically, I’m completely and utterly obsessed with her. My iPod no longer has any other artists on, bar Regina.
So, like I said, it still hasn’t sunk in. Well, occasionally I’ll get excitement spasms where my heart starts thumping in my chest and my pulse is about the same speed as a hummingbirds wings, my head starts spinning and I feel faint and I develop this ridiculous grin on my face that I can’t control. This doesn’t feel real.
I have a feeling that when I get there, and she’s standing in front of me, I’m going to faint or cry or just die, right there. It’s going to be amazing. Utterly incredible. There is only one downside; it’ll be ages before I get to see her again!
Okay, I’m getting an excitement spasm, so I should probably leave it here. I’ll blog again after I’ve seen her. Oh my fucking God. Regina Spektor!
For you to understand why this is such a big deal, I will have to explain it to you. I love Regina Spektor so damn much. Literally, I love her. For starters, I’ve been obsessed with her music for years. I know all her albums. I own the all albums (bar 11:11 because it was released in 2001 at her concerts only, and there was limited hard copies, but I am trying to get hold of one, and I do have the MP3’s of it all) and I have all her unreleased demos. Not only that but I also have all her covers, duets and unreleased live songs, which amounts to around 163 different songs.
If that’s not enough, I have several radio sessions, about eight live recordings of concerts and all the bonus songs of her albums. I am a self-proclaimed ‘Regina SpektWhore’. I am following her on Twitter, a fan on Facebook, subscribed to her YouTube channel. I know her age, her background, her musical influences… I even have her name tattooed on my back!! Basically, I’m completely and utterly obsessed with her. My iPod no longer has any other artists on, bar Regina.
So, like I said, it still hasn’t sunk in. Well, occasionally I’ll get excitement spasms where my heart starts thumping in my chest and my pulse is about the same speed as a hummingbirds wings, my head starts spinning and I feel faint and I develop this ridiculous grin on my face that I can’t control. This doesn’t feel real.
I have a feeling that when I get there, and she’s standing in front of me, I’m going to faint or cry or just die, right there. It’s going to be amazing. Utterly incredible. There is only one downside; it’ll be ages before I get to see her again!
Okay, I’m getting an excitement spasm, so I should probably leave it here. I’ll blog again after I’ve seen her. Oh my fucking God. Regina Spektor!
Monday, 9 November 2009
Regina, GaGa, P!nk, AJ, Glee = <3
It’s late at night, I’m sat in bed, and I’m extremely bored, which brings me to this. Okay, I’m not promising this’ll be an interesting story, consider it more of an update.
First off, I’m going to see Regina Spektor which is a huge, huge thing for me. In fact, it hasn’t actually sunk in yet. It still feels like the dream I’ve been having for years. I can guarantee you a blog after though saying how amazing it was. I’m going with my friend Georgie, and we’ve decided that we’re going to take 2 disposable cameras each, both of our iPods, loaded with Regina songs, and the same with our phones. I’m going to get a t-shirt made that says ‘I have ‘Regina Spektor’ tattooed on the back of my neck’ because, well, I do! It’s going to be the best day of my life, bar maybe my little sister, Ella, being born.
Secondly, I’m also going to see Lady GaGa (with David and Keya) and P!nk (with just Keya so far). Now, these are also two major gigs because you just know that they’re going to be amazing performances, and I love GaGa and P!nk.
One of the reasons I know that GaGa is going to be amazing, is not just because it’s GaGa but because AJ told me. Now, ‘who is AJ’ I hear you ask… Well, I’ll tell you. So, in my previous post, I mentioned the Beaver Bunch, 4 lesbians and a trans guy on a YouTube account, blah, blah, blah. Well, AJ is one of them! I tweeted (@TashSaunders) that I was going to see GaGa, and AJ (@AskAJAnything) tweeted that she was amazing live. We got talking, and Keya (@Keya1992) joined in. AJ then asked me to mention her in my blog, thus, I am. But apparently, I’m not good enough for her to mention me in her video…! Double standards! Its okay, ‘cause she said she’s gonna wear her glasses for me on Wednesday. (Did that even make sense…?)
Oh, and Glee is totally coming back soon (11th November!), and I'm so excited for it! It was stopped for a while, cause of American Football, or something. And it's coming back now! I'm such a 'Gleek', and proud! And I've started watching South of Nowhere, because I'm a massive homo, and it's pretty good.
So, that’s pretty much everything. Life is sweet at the moment. College is good. Work is good. Ella’s good. Just, one thing… I just scratched my wrist and I think I trapped a nerve ‘cause now my elbow really hurts. Other than that, yes, life is sweet.
First off, I’m going to see Regina Spektor which is a huge, huge thing for me. In fact, it hasn’t actually sunk in yet. It still feels like the dream I’ve been having for years. I can guarantee you a blog after though saying how amazing it was. I’m going with my friend Georgie, and we’ve decided that we’re going to take 2 disposable cameras each, both of our iPods, loaded with Regina songs, and the same with our phones. I’m going to get a t-shirt made that says ‘I have ‘Regina Spektor’ tattooed on the back of my neck’ because, well, I do! It’s going to be the best day of my life, bar maybe my little sister, Ella, being born.
Secondly, I’m also going to see Lady GaGa (with David and Keya) and P!nk (with just Keya so far). Now, these are also two major gigs because you just know that they’re going to be amazing performances, and I love GaGa and P!nk.
One of the reasons I know that GaGa is going to be amazing, is not just because it’s GaGa but because AJ told me. Now, ‘who is AJ’ I hear you ask… Well, I’ll tell you. So, in my previous post, I mentioned the Beaver Bunch, 4 lesbians and a trans guy on a YouTube account, blah, blah, blah. Well, AJ is one of them! I tweeted (@TashSaunders) that I was going to see GaGa, and AJ (@AskAJAnything) tweeted that she was amazing live. We got talking, and Keya (@Keya1992) joined in. AJ then asked me to mention her in my blog, thus, I am. But apparently, I’m not good enough for her to mention me in her video…! Double standards! Its okay, ‘cause she said she’s gonna wear her glasses for me on Wednesday. (Did that even make sense…?)
Oh, and Glee is totally coming back soon (11th November!), and I'm so excited for it! It was stopped for a while, cause of American Football, or something. And it's coming back now! I'm such a 'Gleek', and proud! And I've started watching South of Nowhere, because I'm a massive homo, and it's pretty good.
So, that’s pretty much everything. Life is sweet at the moment. College is good. Work is good. Ella’s good. Just, one thing… I just scratched my wrist and I think I trapped a nerve ‘cause now my elbow really hurts. Other than that, yes, life is sweet.
Saturday, 7 November 2009
Hi, I'm Tash, and I'm gay...
I’m sat in my bed, on my laptop, listening to Tegan & Sara, and then it hits me. I am a giant, raging homo! Just looking around my room you can tell that I am a huge dyke. It looks a little something like this:
All my walls are covered in posters, pictures, photos, drawings, everything! I’m not even sure what colour the walls were. There’s a giant Xena: Warrior Princess poster by my bed, the front covers of DIVA stuck up, pictures of Ellen and Portia, ‘Naomily’ from Skins, several pictures involving The L Word, and when you lie down in my bed, there’s Tanya Chalkin’s Kiss right above you!
Now, this is just my walls. I also have a Buffy the Vampire Slayer calendar, next to my huge gay pride flag that has an ‘I love women’ badge on it, and near my leather jacket. Opposite me right now is season 1-4 of The L Word, a Sugar Rush DVD, all the Tegan & Sara CDs (bar Sainthood) and all the P!nk CDs. On my desk I can see my Lynx Africa, my ‘surfer’ necklace and my moisturiser, for men. Then I looked to my floor, and I can see my boxers, man socks, weights and Mark Hill man straighteners. I literally don’t own any woman’s clothes, bar my bras. I wear boxers, like proper guys ones, men’s socks, men’s tops, jeans, shorts, everything!
All of this is enhanced by the fact that I am in bed with just a wife beater and boxers, I have short hair and I have my tongue and middle labret pierced, and stretched ears.
On YouTube, I'm subscribed to the Beaver Bunch, and on Twitter (@TashSaunders), I’m following at least 3 LGBT type tweeters and various lesbian or gay celebrities, and for some reason there are 7 consecutive people following me, all with the word ‘lesbian’ in…
I use ‘gay slang’ on a regular basis, and when I see another gay person, I give them the ‘nod’ as if to say ‘don’t worry. I’m gay too.’ I even have a cat!! (FYI, stereotypically lesbians love cats.)
After realising all of this, I am shocked with the extravagance of my gayness, but you know what? I like it. I like it a lot. I feel comfortable with how I am, and I’m not gonna change for anyone.
All my walls are covered in posters, pictures, photos, drawings, everything! I’m not even sure what colour the walls were. There’s a giant Xena: Warrior Princess poster by my bed, the front covers of DIVA stuck up, pictures of Ellen and Portia, ‘Naomily’ from Skins, several pictures involving The L Word, and when you lie down in my bed, there’s Tanya Chalkin’s Kiss right above you!
Now, this is just my walls. I also have a Buffy the Vampire Slayer calendar, next to my huge gay pride flag that has an ‘I love women’ badge on it, and near my leather jacket. Opposite me right now is season 1-4 of The L Word, a Sugar Rush DVD, all the Tegan & Sara CDs (bar Sainthood) and all the P!nk CDs. On my desk I can see my Lynx Africa, my ‘surfer’ necklace and my moisturiser, for men. Then I looked to my floor, and I can see my boxers, man socks, weights and Mark Hill man straighteners. I literally don’t own any woman’s clothes, bar my bras. I wear boxers, like proper guys ones, men’s socks, men’s tops, jeans, shorts, everything!
All of this is enhanced by the fact that I am in bed with just a wife beater and boxers, I have short hair and I have my tongue and middle labret pierced, and stretched ears.
On YouTube, I'm subscribed to the Beaver Bunch, and on Twitter (@TashSaunders), I’m following at least 3 LGBT type tweeters and various lesbian or gay celebrities, and for some reason there are 7 consecutive people following me, all with the word ‘lesbian’ in…
I use ‘gay slang’ on a regular basis, and when I see another gay person, I give them the ‘nod’ as if to say ‘don’t worry. I’m gay too.’ I even have a cat!! (FYI, stereotypically lesbians love cats.)
After realising all of this, I am shocked with the extravagance of my gayness, but you know what? I like it. I like it a lot. I feel comfortable with how I am, and I’m not gonna change for anyone.
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