I’ve just had the most horrible, morbid, sadistic thought ever. I think I’m turning straight.
Okay, hear me out. For some strange reason, I find guys attractive, which is cool, right? That’s normal for a lesbian; I’m allowed to find them attractive. Like, I don’t wanna sleep with them. I just wanna stoke their muscles and cuddle them and grind on them when I’m drunk. This all more specifically applies to gay guys, because I LOVE gay men.
Anyway, so, I was at the gym with my friend Anna, and there was the personal trainer that she wants to, um, whatever the heterosexual term for scissoring is, with him. And I saw him, while I was in one of my ‘camp phases’ (I go through random periods during the day when I, all of a sudden, turn incredibly camp and mince around, hand on hip, strutting, with a limp wrist and I have NO idea why I do it). So, I looked him up and down, and confirmed with Anna that he was indeed a bit of alright, and told her to back off because he was now mine, to which Anna replied “What? You wanna sleep with him?!”. I realised that I kinda did wanna sleep with him, but in a gay way. And not actually sleep with him, just like, cuddle him a bit. And then, earlier on today, I passed this really gorgeous, muscular gentleman and said to myself ‘Oh, he’s gorgeous’.
So, I highly doubt that I am actually straight, because, like, ew, for starters. I think I’m just actually a gay man in a lesbians body, and NO, that does NOT make me straight. Plus, I can’t physically think about having ‘intercourse’ with a man. My brain just doesn’t conjure up an image. OMG! You know what I need? A gay guy to have a relationship (minus sex and add polygamy) with! THAT would be perfect!
So, in conclusion, I’m a whore that will sleep with anything, I’m too gay for my own good. Even my ‘heterosexuality’ is gay, and I really need to get laid soon. Like, ASAP. Any offers...?