Who needs Santa when you've got best friends?

I have had the best two nights of my life and my faith in Christmas has been restored.

As I told you, I was having a Christmas with my friends, so, I did, and it was amazing. The presents we got and gave were amazing, the atmosphere was amazing, and the company was beyond amazing. Quick note before you start; Keya, the camp one who’s house we stayed at. David, also gay and brilliantly weird. Louisa, loud, straight and a lot of fun. Brodie, the best friend of many, many years. Here’s how it went:

Tuesday, David and I went to town, I got my hair cut, we did some irrelevant, unexciting stuff, went back to his, where his mother gave me several items from around the house she didn’t want which I could give to my little sister as Christmas presents (it’s the thought that counts, right?), and then went to Keya’s. Also, while David and I were in town, we walked round the back of the bus station, and found a shoe box with a pair of worn, old, black canvas shoes, from Primark (so, they would have cost £2, new). David and I being, well, David and I, decided it would be a good idea to take them, as they were clearly not wanted, wrap them up and give them to Keya as a Christmas present. We also found a discarded Dora the Explorer badge on our travels, which we deemed perfect for Louisa. We then later wrapped up the badge and placed it in the biggest box we could find, for the soul reason of confusing her.

David and I arrived at Keya’s house, and we then walked to the shops near his house, to meet Brodie and stock up on food for that evening and the next day. All together we bought 8 boxes of chips, 3 mini pizzas, Alphabetti, a box of Celebrations, a box of Cadbury’s Heroes, 2 big bags of Sensations, 2 tubs of Ben & Jerry’s, 4 pain au chocolats, and probably more, coming to a total of just over £22. Oops! We got back to Keya’s, cooked our dinner, and ate it, whilst waiting for Lou.

Louisa arrived and the present opening began. Everything was amazing; I don’t think any of us got bad presents. I made Brodie a t-shirt, that had the gay pride flag in the background, a picture of us in the corner in a heart and it said ‘I’m not a lesbian but my best friend is’. Keya got heels that said ‘Queen’ inside, a maids outfit, big pink sunglasses, long black gloves and a Cruella de Vil style cigarette holder, which he wore all together, along with his ‘GaGa wig’ and wrapping paper as boobs. If you live in the UK and not under a rock, you’ll know about Rage Against the Machine vs. X Factor for Christmas number 1. Keya is strongly on team X Factor, so Lou got him a CD, with Joe McElderry’s single cover on the front, but burnt onto the CD was RATM. His face was hilarious! He also got a serious CD, which was Glee: Volume 1. Louisa, who is terrified of sheep, got a blow up sex sheep, curtsy of David, and I got her a sheep necklace. David also got Keya and Lou porn DVDs each, one called, Toy Stories, and the other, Headmaster 2. David was given a space hopper and a slinky, much to his delight, and among other things, fake nipples, as its well know that David has erectile dysfunction in his nipples. Louisa and I were given mugs where the picture on the front changes as hot water is added. Louisa got two lesbians, one on top of the other, and their clothes disappear when hot water is added, revealing everything, and I got a girl in a bikini, where the same thing happens as hot water is added. I also was given a turkey baster and a pregnancy test, naked women on my wrapping paper, a book (obviously for ironies sake) called ‘How to Pull Girls’, three lesbian DVDs and Xena: Warrior Princess for Playstation 2.

We then started drinking, laughing, generally being merry and listening to Christmas songs. Brodie needed to be home, so we walked her, since she only lives 5 minutes away from Keya’s, whist freezing and sliding on the ice as we went.

We got back, and ended up going to sleep at about 3, with a very drunk Louisa and Keya sleeping on the double airbed on the floor, and a relatively sober David and I sleeping on a sofa each. I awoke at 12 and the others woke up at half past. We had a pain au chocolat each, and half a tub of Ben & Jerry’s, along with the sweets and chocolate we received as presents, whilst watching Glee, all day, until about 7 when David and Lou got picked up. It was very chilled, and really lovely. We also looked at the many pictures that had been taken the previous evening, which was hilarious.

I can’t quite describe how amazing the two days I had was. I just know that I am extremely grateful for having such amazing, amazing friends, who I love very much. It wasn’t the presents, the food, the lights, decorations, music, drink, etc that made this Christmas special. It was spending it with the people I love, and having an amazing time with them. That’s what Christmas is about.

The holidays are coming.

My. Life. Sucks.

Seriously, I have nothing to write about apart from just general updates, so, firstly, I am sorry that it’s so boring, and secondly, I’ll try and make everything sound much more interesting than it actually is.

Well, I finished my last day of college today, as we are breaking up for the holidays.
I’ve realised that I physically cannot watch the videos of Regina Spektor back because one, it physically hurts, and two, it takes me back to a very dark emotional place.
I am going for an all you can eat Chinese buffet tomorrow with my friends, David, Eloise and maybe some other people. I can’t remember! So, I am not eating from now, as I want to get my moneys worth!!
Also, Christmas may actually be enjoyable again this year! Usually, I am a total Scrooge at Christmas. Ever since I grew up, realised Santa didn’t exist, and stopped getting excited over the little presents, Christmas has been shit. I find it far too materialistic, and it annoys me. The presents, the lights, the decorations… It’s too much and wastes too much energy and resources! Among other things, my Christmas consists of having to spend hours with family members who I see twice a year (Christmas and birthdays) despite the fact that they live 10 minutes away, at the most! To put it simply, it’s full of awkward conversations, over politeness and stuff I really don’t care about. To put the angel on the tree, so to speak, my father gets far too drunk and insists on showing us home videos over, and over, and over again, regardless of the fact that we saw them last year, and the last time they came round… He doesn’t get it that no one cares!!
Anyway, that is my usual Christmas. But this year, I’m excited, because David, Louisa, Keya and I are all getting each other presents and it’s all secrets to the person we’re buying for, but the others can know, so we’ve been having amazing fun buying presents, which are very amusing and generally brilliant! I can’t say what the presents I got are, for fear of them finding out, but I’ll definitely tell you afterwards. For our Christmas on the 22nd, we’re going round Keya’s house, drinking, watching Christmas films, and opening our presents. Also, Brodie, my all time best friend, has got me amazing presents, and I’ve got her better ones, which should be fun. Brodie and I have a Christmas tradition of telling each other what we want, and openly buying it for each other! But this year, I’ve made her a t-shirt as well as buying her other things (again, I’m not telling you what it says, you’ll have to wait and see!) which is amazing!

Also, these rage fits are not going. I am getting far too irritated with the littlest things. I can’t seem to control my rage. Here’s how my one started just now. I kindly asked my father if he could possibly take time out of his extremely busy schedule of being a loving father, wonderful husband and a great employee. He then turned around, looked at my sweet innocent face, while contorting his into a hideous grimace. Storming up to me, eyes like fire, face like thunder, I cowered as he tightly gripped my neck with his hands… Okay, this never happened. I just felt it’d be more fun to write about it this way. After I asked him, he told me that I had to tidy my room before I did it, which, I know I do, it’s a disgusting mess, but I’ll never admit that to my parents! Regardless, after he refused, I phoned my mother. By this, I mean, I phoned the house phone. Dad answered, I said ‘No, I don’t want you.’ And he shouted to Mum to not answer cause ‘it’s only Tash’. I phoned again, and again, and again until she answered. I told her what happened, that even though Dad had promised he’d do it, he wasn’t, and she agreed with him! Okay, I am well aware that this is all pathetic and immature, but it got to me, so I shouted ‘Fuck off!’ down the phone, threw it across the room and there is currently a dent in my wall and my phone is somewhere in my room…
So, I’m sat here blasting Regina Spektor out from my iPod! It doesn’t quite have the same effect as, for example, screamo or metal would, so I might change it to Tegan & Sara or something less… Beautiful. It’s all about the effect.

That’s my life so far, and apparently I seem to be able to write about nothing in lots of words! I also had a ridiculous lack in motivation to go through and check this again, so apologies if it doesn’t make sense.

From Blogspot to Tumblr (and a quick update).

So, I’ve officially set up a Tumblr account, and have started blogging on there. I’m still gonna use Blogspot, don’t worry people! I’m just going to use both. Basically, it makes it easier for more people to follow my blog, and also, some of my friends have Tumblr and it’s so much easier this way! Basically, I don’t want either site to think I am neglecting them, because I will be blogging the exact same thing to both sites. K?

Let’s see, I think an update is in order.

Earlier, I totally freaked out and I have no idea why. I just had a massive rage spasm! What happened was, I was up in my room, playing my keyboard, and I shouted down to my Mum asking her when dinner was going to be ready. For some strange reason, she started being awkward saying that she didn’t know. Then, she started ignoring me. This is when I rang the house phone, and she hung up on me!! I don’t know why, but this all made me really angry, and I kept shouting (screaming as loud as I could, really) at her, and she kept ignoring me, which stressed me out more, resulting in me throwing my phone across my room, onto my wall, almost shattering my phone, and lifting my laptop above my head, ready to throw it until I realised that I’m screwed if it breaks. I don’t know why I got so angry, I really don’t. I used to get fits of rage like this, where I would try and smash things, but I was like 12 then. I’m 17 now, I’ve matured a lot and can (usually!) control my temper really well, so well in fact, I never have to control it!

I really don’t know what’s going on with me. I had another one earlier in the week, where I freaked cause my parents wouldn’t open the garage for me. It’s taken me at least half an hour to calm down each time. Hopefully, this will stop. It might just be a ‘hormone imbalance’ or cause Christmas is a stressful time of year or something. I hope this will pass. I really do.

A quick thank you.

This is just to say thank you to anyone who reads this, and an even bigger thank you to my friends, who don't just read my blogs when I demand they do, but they're naturally amazing. Thank you so much guys. You make my life a lot better, and I love you all. Thank you.

(To be more specific; Brodie, Keya, David, Lou and Tom. BFFs!)

The second best day of my life.

I am currently in a deep depression. Why? Last night I saw Regina Spektor. Okay, to you that sounds like a paradox, to me, it’s an oxymoron.

Friday 4th December:

1AM – Sleep.
6AM – Wake up.
6:30AM – Piss parents off by playing Regina Spektor as loud as possible.
8AM – Leave house to get train.
9:15AM – Get into drama and see Georgie’s face beaming up at me.
10:33AM – Get train to Southampton to then get the 12:30PM coach to London with Georgie.
11:10AM – Start taking pictures of EVERYTHING with disposable cameras.
12:10AM – Get on the coach to London with food, drink, cameras and most importantly, an iPod full of Regina Spektor songs.

Georgie and I arrive at London Victoria at approximately 2:30, and it still hadn’t hit me that we were going to see Regina Spektor. We navigate our way to the tube station (by we, I mean, I followed her) then eventually, after over an hour, we got to Hammersmith. It was almost 4 as we got to the Apollo, and we feared we weren’t going to be the first there, but, we were. I saw the Hammersmith Apollo in all it’s glory, and in red letters with a white background it said ‘Regina Spektor’. That’s when it hit me. At that point it actually hit me that I was going to see the woman I have been obsessed with for years. I again got a bit too camera happy at this point and looked like a ‘tourist’.
There we are, at the very front of the queue, at 4 o’clock… Doors didn’t open until 7. For the three hours we had to wait, we listened to Regina Spektor, then sat on the floor, then were completely silent as we had our hoods up, sheltering us from the rain and attempting to retain as much heat as we could.
Seven o’clock drew nearer; we stood up, getting ready to run in so we could get the best seats! They checked our tickets and we were finally inside, in the warm and dry, almost running through the building to get to Regina. Then, we were stopped. Apparently, they were still doing sound checks, so we had to wait at the doors for at least 20 minutes as they tortured us with occasional noises from the stage that was Regina singing, and a small window in which we caught glimpses of her drummer. The time finally came for us to go in; there was a stampede as all the eager fans rushed through the doors, trying to get to the front of the stage. Luckily, Georgie and I found a perfect spot. We were right in the centre at the very front.
We were waiting for Jenny Owen Youngs (Regina’s support act, who also did a duet with Regina called ‘Voice on Tape’) and directly in front of us was one singular microphone, slightly to our left, Regina’s piano, and to our right, her keyboard. It really was the most incredible spot.
Jenny Owen Youngs came on with just a guitar, and played it whilst sung. I have to admit, she was actually very good, as have proceeded to illegally download some of her music today. There’s only one criticism I have about her, and that’s she looked occasionally like a psychopathic serial killer, when she lowered her head and looked straight out. Other than that, brilliant!
There was like a 15 minute gap in between Jenny and Regina and behind us were the most annoying Irish people ever!! Okay, I used to love Irish accents, but not anymore. I can’t physically write down how infuriating they were. They were talking about the most ridiculous things, and what felt like an attempt at anal rape with their bags.
Then Regina came on and it felt like nothing in the world mattered. It was amazing. She started playing The Calculation and I couldn’t control myself; I burst into tears. I saw her, sitting there, playing her piano and singing. She looked and sounded so damn beautiful, and I realised that it was all real.
There are no words I can use to describe to total epicness of the concert, but I cried again, at several other points, and I sang and sang and sang. I am proud to say I knew the names and lyrics to all the songs, even Silly Eye Color Generalizations which is a song that has only been sung live. I was singing along to it, and this stupid bitch next to me kept looking at me, I was like, yeah, I know the words to her unreleased songs, and what? Regardless, during this song, she looked at me. Regina Spektor looked and me and smiled as she was singing. That was one of the best moments of my life to date. I was and am so, so happy.
Regina finished her set with Hotel Song which I videoed for my little sister, as it’s ‘our song’. When it was all over, and she was off the stage, I just stood there, frozen to the spot. I felt empty. It felt as if I had gotten pregnant and really wanted to keep the baby. I’d learnt to love it in the womb, and when it was out, it was the best feeling in the world, but before it’s first birthday the authorities had taken it away. It’s a cruel, tormenting feeling. I stood there, not knowing what to do, I could hardly talk. Sentences were compiled of key words, I plodded like a zombie, I was utterly speechless from how amazing the whole experience was for me, and, to be honest, I was most likely exhausted too.
Not much else happened, I bought a beautiful Regina Spektor hoodie, on the tubes I got extremely teary, we missed our coach so had to get the train with all the Friday night drunkards, which was insanely annoying, but I slept for a good hour, so it wasn’t that bad. I then got back home, still in my zombie like state and slept.
I’m honestly still depressed about the whole thing. It really is like mourning the death of a loved one, but I’m holding on to the fact that I will see her again one day. Hopefully soon. And, as Regina says ‘thought I’d cry for you forever, but I couldn’t, so I didn’t’.
Also, to clarify the title, the best day of my life was Ella being born. Nothing and no one can top that.

Less than 20 hours, and it still hasn’t sunk in.

In less than 20 hours I will be at the front of a queue, as the doors for Regina Spektor open at the Hammersmith Apollo in London with Georgie. It doesn’t feel real. I feel like it’s not tomorrow. I can’t physically comprehend that my dream of (at least) three years is coming true. I am going to see Regina Spektor. Oh. My. God.
For you to understand why this is such a big deal, I will have to explain it to you. I love Regina Spektor so damn much. Literally, I love her. For starters, I’ve been obsessed with her music for years. I know all her albums. I own the all albums (bar 11:11 because it was released in 2001 at her concerts only, and there was limited hard copies, but I am trying to get hold of one, and I do have the MP3’s of it all) and I have all her unreleased demos. Not only that but I also have all her covers, duets and unreleased live songs, which amounts to around 163 different songs.
If that’s not enough, I have several radio sessions, about eight live recordings of concerts and all the bonus songs of her albums. I am a self-proclaimed ‘Regina SpektWhore’. I am following her on Twitter, a fan on Facebook, subscribed to her YouTube channel. I know her age, her background, her musical influences… I even have her name tattooed on my back!! Basically, I’m completely and utterly obsessed with her. My iPod no longer has any other artists on, bar Regina.
So, like I said, it still hasn’t sunk in. Well, occasionally I’ll get excitement spasms where my heart starts thumping in my chest and my pulse is about the same speed as a hummingbirds wings, my head starts spinning and I feel faint and I develop this ridiculous grin on my face that I can’t control. This doesn’t feel real.
I have a feeling that when I get there, and she’s standing in front of me, I’m going to faint or cry or just die, right there. It’s going to be amazing. Utterly incredible. There is only one downside; it’ll be ages before I get to see her again!
Okay, I’m getting an excitement spasm, so I should probably leave it here. I’ll blog again after I’ve seen her. Oh my fucking God. Regina Spektor!